all you ever wanted to know about the things you didnt want to know...

this sunday near kelly sq!

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 20:34:27 GMT

this bar has cheap ass drinks, and the show is all ages. come support the first show here at 3-G's!

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 10:02:38 GMT

for every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy who is tired of feeling strong when he is vulnerable. for every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything, there is a girl tired of people not trusting her intelligence

i love you

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 01:09:45 GMT

walk away the day i must leave you behind
like we've waltz around the world so many times
we remind the times that emotions will repeat
but the distance doesnt finalize defeat
so it goes
theres a wait that never seems to let it go
and im passing threw the atmosphere like smoke

wait for the world to stop and i wont run away.
at least not today

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:37:26 GMT

we were staring at the stars. and we heard a clap of thunder. then the moon gave way to rain. and it tore apart the sky. so we lay flat on our backs. cuz in the rain no one knows you're crying. on top of a mountain. under the sea. in the boston moonlight. after the summer heat. dance you lonely dancers. won't you dance for me? i swear i will give you everything. that is me. did we try too hard last year? did the money make us monkeys? and with everything you fear. it comes at times when you don't know. you've got all this behind you. a broken hand like a broken wing. does not hold you back but sets you free

Sun, 22 May 2005 21:39:49 GMT

bring down goliath

Sun, 01 May 2005 08:37:46 GMT

There are hatchet homes for howling souls
Where the gravel slides right off the roads
And the sun don't shine it only scolds
Electricity jumps from pole to pole

You wake up there and your hearts a mess
You've got to get what's eating you off your chest
For even a ghost could use some rest
From never-ending terror

You've got skeletons spilling out of your drawers
And your tongue's swollen from biting down so hard
You say it aint true but you know that you are
The one they're all spilling for

So you run as if you could slice through the air
Then you turn to see the past is still right there
And she's running her fingers through the waves in your hair
Whispering go ahead and try and escape me

You've got to get wise to your size 'cause you're crawling
Can't quite call them blue skies at all my friend
And the sun will rise or set
With your hope or regret

So how come you whisper why not let out a scream
Why open the road when you can float on a stream
You've got to go down in the dirt if you want to come up clean
What happened to your confidence and charisma

I can hear your voice now floating in the sky
Talking about truth and the lies that it implies
Beauty is your umbrella and you always hold it high
To shield you from the shower of dissension

All the chaos-tongues and the rattling teeth
Predict the future so digest your grief
For even a ghost could stand to loose some sleep
Over never-ending terror

Now there's a statue in every square or park
For teenagers to mutilate after dark
Saying this is that of which we want no part
With piss and spit and spray-paint

You've got to aim high if you want to bring down Goliath
Because it aint just a stone when it aint just one life
And the sun will rise or set
With your hope or regret

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 07:43:28 GMT

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 06:27:27 GMT

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 18:21:05 GMT

When you sleep,
No one is homeless.
When you sleep,
You can't feel the hunger.
When you sleep,
No one is lonely in a dream.
Without classes,
Without nations...
When you sleep,
She's standing there with open arms,
And one night could last forever,
And if you asked her,
She'd never let go,
And you'd stay forever...

And the sun's always rising
In the sky somewhere,
And if young hearts should explode
From all the lies they've been told...

Let the new night bring you peace
And the promise of tomorrow,
Where we can wake to a new beginning.
Tomorrow I'll all but have lost their faces;
My friends and family,
Memories of all we had
And the times we should have lived,
And tomorrow America just might fall apart.
Tomorrow, tell me,
Where will you wake up?
Beyond title, beyond these careers and laws,
Something more than borders on a map...

And the sun's always rising in the sky somewhere,
And if young hearts should explode
From all the lies they've been told...
To live through one night like this,
I would trade it for the silence...

yaah

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 01:00:25 GMT

saves the day broke up.
hundreds of lives were destroyed today.
sorry pop punkers - but they suck now anyway

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 22:52:11 GMT

i had a dream last night, where i was wrapped up in yr hips like a blanket ie laying under the covers with you completly naked. your birds kept flying around the room and it didnt bother me, as you layed there, keep in mind completely naked, screaming for me to help. i was just so comfy, so relaxed, just laying on yr hip. you know i love your skin as it is, but the dream was perfect, because you were not screaming in a scared way. you screamed with laughter. you held my hand and kissed my forehead and allowed me to continue laying there for awhile, or at least till my temple hurt. this continued for awhile, or until the birds flew out the window. now on yr hip, all that was left was a circle. where a special bird was once stood out, to draw everyones attention away from the rest of the flock. this bird was different, it was obviously your favorite. it had sort of a charm to it, that the others didnt. theres millions of other birds, but you circled that one. was it on pure inspiration from dave eggers? i dont think so. something special about its charm, its beauty. after all this i climbed back up yr small body till my chest was lined up with yrs, and our eyes were engaged in contact with each other. we kissed, briefly, till you paused. you pit each hand on my ears and looked very serious. you put yr hand down my cheek till you got to my face, and kissed me. you kissed me so hard. you kissed me so soft. you just kissed me like you use to. at that point i had all i ever needed. i didnt need to stick my hands down past the circle or anywhere. i was content, because i got something i was use to.
i was content, and in love.
when i woke up i was bummed that it was just a dream, but than i cheered up. i cheered up because i remembered that the very dream i had just had, had happened to us so many times. and i have no doubts itll happen again, obviously....

i love you. and i think this was just ramble. i could have told you about this dream on the phone like i usually do, but i though writing it down could help me be more dramatic, considering it was a dramatic dream, almost like a french art students film, but i wanted you to be able to understand how the dream made me feel, so by reading it, your not forced to pay attention to me, instead you can take your time, and use your imagination.

love always
johnbear

maybe it'll be easier for you to understand if you can read it

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 23:48:56 GMT

ok.
how do i begin? youre beautiful, funny, smart, amazing in the sack ;) (by the way im gonna tell all my friends about everythings thats ever happened between us two)silly, cute, comforting (sometimes)
you love me. you tell me im a good person even after i clearly did something wrong. you compliment me sometimes. you cant ask for things all the time can you? besides id prob just tell you to shut up. besdies. i need to realize. and i think i might have, that we're not together. sure we still kiss do it occassionally hold hands definitly and llay in bed in our underwear. ya know like the song that use to make you cry. "yah you still kiss me, but its just on the cheek" anyway.
a kiss on the cheek is good enough sometimes. ill complain, sure...but it still gives me butterflys. sure i wanna make out with you for a long period of time like you and him prob. did. say what you like but ive had a first kiss before, good, bad, or ugley...95% of the time they last more then 5 minutes. i havnt gotten 5 minutes in the longest time. but i dont care, because ive gotten one. and thats good enough for me. you are good enough for me. and once you realize this, things might be easier. once you realize that you, the person you are, is good enough for me. breaks? who needs them? the reason we cant make it threw breaks is because neither one of us want them. sure we say we do, or well, you say you do because "thats what you soppose to do" well im done with what were soppose to do, and its my turn babycakes. its my turn to take over the what works and what doesnt department :)
breaks are just a comfort thing for you, so you feel like yr doing the right thing. the right thing is to talk. to talk about these things, not yell, and we have to try not to even cry. just talk about everything, like we used to...when taken a break to us would have ment the end of the world. do i want you to be dependent on me? no. but i want you to need me in the way someoen needs the person they love. love is many things baby, and ask anyone who loves someone liek that, and they will tell you they need them. not because of dependence, because of what they do bring to their life. that makes them happy and excited and its like their cigerrette, they need it because they want it. 90% of things people need are truley just things they want.
your the best thign thats ever happened to me.
no matter how many asian kids you make out/go down on.
ive said this before, and after whatever happened, happened. you could have gotten upset because brian didnt like you as much, and i would have been there to help you threw or to comfort you. and you know that.

i love you with my entire heart. the red, and the black side.

and to me thats a fuckign damn good thing. because when our lips meet, everything that has or will ever happen doesnt even matter. when you hold my hand or touch my shoulder or kiss my ring or my hands or touch my leg or touch me in a sexual way, nothing matters besides you.

amy, alas the one who means the world to me.
stay gold baby, and ill do the same, for me, for you...and for us.
yr beautiful

love always
johnbear<3

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 22:25:30 GMT

Maybe you wanted to break and bend
Maybe you wanted the knot out of your chest
You've got the scars to prove it
Maybe that's all that you have left
Maybe it's all that you needed
It doesn't matter because it's all that you are gonna get
Tkae a look at the face in the mirror
Myabe it's all that you have left
It takes time
And what your gonna find out
The things we love most are the things that we take for granted
And what you'll find
and what you hear
inside the purest thought
And what you might find out and see
the rest is all just talk

the number one song the day i was born!

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 23:41:51 GMT

was the reflex, by duran duran

amy, yrs was wake me up before you go-go my wham!

haha i think that might explain our music tastes

http://www.thisdayinmusic.com/member/birthdayno1.php

long time

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 21:51:49 GMT

one of these days ill update on a reg basis.
update now just makes me feel unloved, with all the no friend thing and the one friend i do have doesnt comment, she doesnt need to apperently. her almost 4 and a half year love runs much deeper then livejournal comments :-P

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 21:48:47 GMT

i love you. and i love us right now.
im sorry i did that,

things that would make us perfect: you liking my compliments. them meaning something to you and giving you butterflys. REPLYS AND E-COMPLIMENTS ;)

her dying. wait, no...before she dies she has to tell you everything.

then we would be perfect. dont you think?

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 04:06:13 GMT

i feel sick to my stomach

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 22:36:18 GMT

you can imagine how my curiosity was aroused by this half-confidence about the "other planets." I made a great effort, therefore, to find out more on this subject.
"My little man, where do you come from? what is this 'where i live,' of which you speak? where do you want to take your sheep?" after a reflective silence he anwsered: "the thing that is so good about the box you have given me is that at night he can use it as his house."
"that is so. And if you are good i will give you a string, too, so that you can tie him during the day, and a post to tie him to." But the little prince seemed shocked by this offer: "TIE HIM! What a queer idea!" "but if you dont tie him," i said, "he will wander off somewhere, and get lost." My friend broke into another peal of laughter: "but where do you think he would go?" "anywhere. straight ahead of him." then the little prince said, earnestly: "that doesnt matter, where i live, everything is so small!" and, perhaps with a hint of sadness, he added:

"straight ahead of him, nobody can go very far"

hmm

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 22:46:13 GMT

i was just watching some christmas thing. and this former marine, who was in dessert storm said "you never really know how much you love someone until you spend christmas without them.
i know i love you. hmm, but i cant wait till we have our own little annual christmas.
your always in a good mood and i always get the biggest kisses.

maybe i should buy you an ibook for xmas.
thatll get me laid!!!!!

miss you xoxo

whats an aquarist? i am an aquarist!

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 05:54:49 GMT

so about 4-5 days ago a roomate (and a good friend) of mine, tone, finally after all this talk set up our salt water 55 gallon tank. never the less, it rules. after a few days of just looking at an empty tank with sand, and the casualty of one life being lost threw this vicious cycle of proteins and bacteria, i decided on a percula clown fish. known to the world as nemo. also, the most sterdy of marine life. and he has servived and thrived. that is all for now.
updates will prob be norm

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 19:43:44 GMT

i can't find a part of me, that doesn't belong to you.

how to esemble your very own vortex

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 00:42:25 GMT

maybe it hurts, and sometimes even worse
but baby its dirt thats made me stand straight
and ill fly to space, become a spaceman
maybe i can feel tall when im so far above
i do feel tall when im so far above
and what is a heart
when you cut it in two;
half goes to me, and half goes to you
we forgot to just hold on together
ill be there
standing in your door
when youve lost your half
somewhere on the floor
dont take to long, to forget about me;
i wouldnt want you to feel as i do
but if you choose
ill always love you
youll always have a place to sleep
the right side be empty
the left be alone
and my heart somewhere at your home
and what is a heart?
when you cut it in two
half goes to me
and half goes to you

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 21:13:33 GMT

this is lame.

so here we go again.

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 21:26:46 GMT

im making an honest and complete effort for you to see the sincerity in my voice and face. but you look past that by forcing these lack of feelings on yrself which in my eyes is just materialistic. forcing any emotion on yrself is fake. be natural. be honest.
and once again, care.

only then will you really know the truth youve seaked for merely 6 months now.

work play and loneliness

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 02:32:54 GMT

i live so close to her. it feels like i see her less.
i really miss her. she denied me of proving it. sometimews it feels like she doesnt want to know the truth. like she doesnt want to know that these 5 months have gone to waste. maybe that shes enjoying her "freedom" to much and doesnt want to not have that excuse? im not saying thats what it is at all. i feel like i have to maybe pretend i dont care. maybe even if i pretend, and she knows im pretending, the feeling of uncaring will still be there, and amy is by far one of those girls that needs to feel cared. and i like that. unless she decides for a month or so it be with someone else. she always comes back and tells me she wishes she didnt do that and that shes sorry. that it wont happen again. and thats ok, i love this girl to death, that shes givin a few passes for that.
as long as she cares about me, in any way....the trip is entirely worth it.
i just miss her. i just wish she would come over and lay in my bed with me, one so i can give her her birthday present, and two because i love when we do that. if sunday is the day, then i wanna bring her to a movie. get her dinner...and bring her home to recieve her present. lay in bed like we always have done.
god i need her right now, and not because im doing not alright....because she makes me feel whole.